A glimpse of me

"Crimes of the heart"

2010-04-21T03:16:00.000-07:00

Crimes of the heart cause us great injury. Hurt feelings, harsh words, nasty misunderstandings leave deep imprints in our minds and hearts. We dwell on the cruel and unkind violations against us. Letting go of anger about things that have occurred in the past is difficult and sometimes feels insurmountable. We get stuck and hold on to our anger, and the wounds grow deeper and fester. The pain keeps us from finding peace within ourselves. When is it time to let go?

It is time to let go when holding on to the anger no longer serves us. When carrying the burden of our anger keeps us from moving in the direction of our ideals. When the anger keeps us from growing and becoming the person we seek to be. How do we begin?

We begin by letting go. Just letting go. We begin by no longer allowing ourselves to dwell on the negative and relive the injustices. We focus on recovering from the injury. We recover by surrounding ourselves with loved ones we can trust and by moving on. Forgiveness comes much later.

Finding peace within ourselves doesn't mean we forget about the crimes. Rather, it means we choose to release them. To learn to live and love in a place where past grievances no longer touch us deeply brings wisdom. A life where harmony resides.

You are special

2009-10-23T21:58:00.000-07:00

My Princess,

Life is so unpredictable. Changes always come along, in big or small ways. I don't know what happened that this sudden change has turned my world upside down. I don't know exactly what it is, it just hit me, but there is something really special about you.

It might be all the things I see on the surface, the things that everyone notices and admires about you, qualities, capabilities and a wonderful smile obviously connected to a warm and loving heart; these things set you apart from everyone else. But it may also be the big things ... the person you really are that I hope to know more someday. And it might also be the little things ... the way you walk and all your actions. I receive so much joy just being able to see a smile in your eyes. If I ever figure out the magic that makes you so special, I'd probably find out that it's a combination of all these things. You are a rare combination of so many special things. You are really amazing.

Inside of me there is a place where my sweetest dreams reside, where my highest hopes are kept alive, where my deepest feelings are felt and where my favorite memories are safe and warm. I find that you're on my mind more often than any other thought. Sometimes I bring you there purposely just to make my day brighter. But more often, you surprise me and find your own ways into my thoughts. There are even times when I awaken, I realize that you've been a part of my dreams. Then during the day, when my imagination is free to run, it takes me into your arms and allows me to linger there knowing there's nothing I'd rather do. I know my thoughts are only reflecting the loving hopes of my heart because whenever they wander, they always take me to you.

Only the most special things in my world get to come inside my heart and stay. And now, I realize how deeply my life has been touched by you.

Love always,

Christoff

A Man's Final Farewell To Past Hurts

2009-09-11T19:34:00.000-07:00

Today I say farewell to self-criticism of my being. I choose today to see myself as a beam of light designed to shine wholeness and happiness to others who I meet.

Today I say farewell to self-sabotaging behaviors. No longer will I remind myself of my past mistakes and failures. No longer will I beat myself up for making choices that did not benefit me. Instead, today I choose to honor learn from my failures and embrace my successes as I am a man designed with dignity.

Today I say farewell to poor self-esteem. No longer will I compare myself to other people as I realize that there is no one in this world that can be like me. I have not found a person who is able to talk, walk, love, and touch with such passion and inspiration like me. I am often imitated but am never duplicated as there is only one me. Thus today I accept that I am beautiful and am proud of who I am.

Today I say farewell to being a man scorned, as I cannot rewrite the past. No longer will I sit in a room filled with despair, depression, hopelessness, and unhappiness. I will no longer allow my thoughts of past hurts to impact my health, wellness, career, and wealth. I trade these tight fitting shoes from the past for shoes that I am able to strut myself in without fear of corns or bunions. I will walk with my head held up high, as I am a real man with creative thoughts, visions, and great pride.

Today I say hello to being a man who loves life. I am filled with energy no matter what obstacles I may face. I was designed to have success in every area of my life and I happily take hold of the reins.

Today I say hello to being a man who does not have to settle for less. I no longer have to compromise my happiness just to be like everyone else. Instead I strive to fly with the eagles and embark on my life’s journey with grace and tenacity. I am a strong man. I am a real man.

Today I choose to love myself for who I am and not what other people want me to be. Why you might ask? I have discovered the strength that lies within me. Through times of hurt, I will strive for healing. When faced with fears, I will find faith and peace. When I am feeling alone I will rest assured there is someone with me. I have finally discovered that I have found a friend and that friend lives deep inside me.

So this is my final farewell to ALL my past hurts as I choose to no longer allow you to reside within me.

You Can Be Everything You Ever Dreamed You Could Be

2009-09-06T00:11:00.000-07:00

Fulfill your dreams today.
No more waiting
no more wishing
start right now.

Within this very second
we can find what was and is missing
from our lives.

Whatever causes us to hesitate
before meeting goals
or taking time to smell a flower
the answers are still within us.

We choose to embrace
beautiful, luscious,glorious things in life
or not.
Within this very second
we can...
choose
and ohhh my goodness
isn't that outstanding?
I think so
and I think so..
so, so much, that I will write it down
place it under my pillow
and dream of life's potential.

We can feel our own breath
acknowledge it more consciously
than the single breath before
and be renewed in that
or...
not.

We miss the serendipity of life
sometimes.
Feel that deep inside of your soul
so you will not miss it
again.

We plan
and fret
and spin our wheels.

Stop.

Sometimes we miss
that our dreams are being fulfilled
right in front of us
and we walk past them.
I do!
YOU do... right?
Of course!

Decide anew.

We work hard to meet our goals
but fall short of noticing
that 'spectacular'
is within reach
and oft times all around us.

Why not accept spectacular things happening NOW?
Why not?

Why not see that the light is indeed excellent?
It truly is all around us.

Within every morning there is a sunrise
and the evening brings the colors
most spectacular
of a well spent day
bringing us sunsets
despite our awareness of them
they still come!...
Wow!

The moon is right there in its place
blessed by a zillion stars
as we stay inside our houses.

Here is an idea...

We can step into the outside world
and find the "magic".

Think about that for just one second..

tic toc.. tic toc

take pause..

Because this is YOUR LIFE
and YOU are living it i
n the very second
that you read this.

STUN yourself.

Stars shine and twinkle
within their very same galaxy
stars turn in opposite directions!
Wow!
So they do that why?
I don't know at all!
BUT it feels like it is...
to secure their individuality.

HOW do I find ME
HOW do you find YOU??
...within that idea?

Looking onto a landscape
off in the distance
mountains take on a purple hue.
Trees and plants awaken with the change of season.
Rivers move toward the ocean
wildlife is as healthy as we care to make it.
What an opportunity...
take it
and make it
shine!

Expect the brush of life
to meets your dreams on a canvas of miracles.

Why not?

Why decide that dreams being met
are for other people?

Mentors come into our lives
to show us the way.
We stretch our minds and hearts
...or not.

STEP OUT!

BE!

TODAY
Y-O-U can be as spectacular
as YOU want it to be...
simply by noticing
and listening to your heart.

Loneliness

2009-09-04T22:53:00.000-07:00

Loneliness is what?

To be alone or to be with our inner self.

For most of us being alone is taken up as when no one is with us, we are sitting alone, in a crowd. We name it as loneliness but we if are alone then why we feel that in spite of being alone we are with someone, we say we are alone but in that loneliness we are not alone we are with our inner self. Just think of it. When we are alone we never sit idle, some thing fishy is always going on in our mind. Either we use to think or we use to talk. But if we say that we are alone then with whom we are talking. At that very moment we are not alone, though for others we are but for our soul we are at that moment with our inner soul.

This loneliness is life for some of us. At times we prefer to sit alone because at that moment we talk to ourselves, we try to find out why we feel so. We cry, we laugh then how can it be said as being alone. How can one laugh or cry or talk being alone.

To be alone is sometimes much better then to be with someone, because when we are alone we take it as what we want, what are our desire’s and then we use to think how to get on to that, though we feel bad also but in that case we find the reason to be happy for that very situation from our inner self. And at times we feel the presence of the person with whom we want to talk or to share something and then we just speak out what is there in our heart, in our mind.

Being alone is not as we normally take it up as, its nothing else then something a soothing time. Though at times we feel like broken, we feel like why we are here if we have to be like this only. Either we use to criticize others or we criticize ourselves.

As because we think only those aspects which we want to see, we don’t go for those aspects that should be considered or we may say at that very moment either we are in anger or we are in sad mood so we think only those point which make us unhappy and we feel low and we think we are left alone and we forget the good things because at that point of time our mind lets us to do according to one side only, and at times we listen to our mind only and we listen to our heart then we reach to the conclusion. Because at many places its better to listen to our heart then to our mind.

When one feel lonely just sit look for why you are feeling so, listen to what your heart say then the condition to which you say as loneliness will become your friend for times.

Love, Pride and Craziness

2009-09-04T05:00:00.000-07:00

How many times in your life have you not said what you had to say and not done what you had to, only because you were afraid?

And why were you afraid? Were you in a life-threatening risk? Would you have to make too much effort?

No. You were afraid because you didn't want to be ridiculous, you didn't want to show your weakness, you didn't want to face the truth and confess it to someone.

When you have a fear, it is because you know that there is some danger or many dangers threatening you. It's not a feeling that appears in your behaviour without any reason.

When you are afraid to say the truth, afraid that you might be considered an idiot or dependent on someone else, you are in fact afraid to destroy the image of your ego because it is an idol for you.

Therefore, you prepare a tremendous conspiracy only in order to hide how desperately you need the person you love, or only in order to appear a certain way in your social environment.

You let the person you love suffer very much by being away from you and you yourself suffer far more, only because your ego cannot accept the simplicity of sincerity. You cannot confess your weakness. Therefore, you prefer to lose and suffer without hope than be humble and accept that you need someone.

You prefer to be cold and cruel with the person you would like to hug, only because you think that this must be your attitude, according to your position.

You are afraid to be human, have needs, admit that when you are in love with someone you are weak too, like everybody else in this world, even though many people try to hide it like you.

You are afraid to be humble, simple, insignificant and especially afraid to be disliked. You have to always be on top! You cannot lower yourself. Your pride doesn't allow you to be simple and like the crowd.

Therefore, you prefer to be crazy and become crazier in the future due to your despair. You prefer to lose and to abandon, to humiliate and to condemn.

However, I feel I have the obligation to inform you that schizophrenia and psychosis are waiting for you, when you explode like a bomb because you didn't have the courage to be human, to ask for what you needed so much or even to beg.

Love, pride, fear and craziness are the component parts of a real tragedy.

If you are proud of yourself and you tend to behave as I described before, please think seriously about my words.

More than a Teacher

2009-08-16T01:53:00.000-07:00

A great teacher teaches you more than just the basics in math or English or history. A great teacher inspires you to reach beyond your grasp and aspire to be a better person. A great teacher will go out of their way to make sure that you feel able and valued, no matter how many students they have in their class or how many years they’ve been teaching. You can tell a great teacher by the number of students gathered around their desk throughout the day; they’re the ones still there an hour after school has let out, simply because so many students are waiting.

My great teacher was my 4^th year English teacher, Mr. Sanchez. It’s hard to explain what it was about Mr. Sanchez that made him the best teacher in a school of dozens. He certainly wasn’t the easiest – he challenged each and every student to attempt what they thought was impossible, and he never let the ‘smart’ kids’ coast by on their good reputations. Maybe it was his easy way with every kid, regardless of whom they were or where they came from. Maybe it was the way he made everything seem a little more interesting than it probably was. I think it was the whole package: he was the type of teacher who made you care about him and what you were learning.

Mr. Sanchez made a difference in my life because he went out of his way to understand someone who was different. My school wasn’t exceptionally large, but there were certainly enough students to get lost in the crowd. My problem was, it was impossible for me to get lost in that crowd because, early in my life, my teachers found out that I was one of those ‘smart’ kids. Things naturally came easy to me, and I was often called upon to help my classmates when they were having trouble. I was visibly different from all the other kids, and it made a real impact on the way I felt about myself, all the way through school.

Mr. Sanchez acknowledged the fact that I caught onto things easily and he knew that I could get bored with what was going on. He was the first teacher I had who looked past my intelligence to think about me as a person.

I know that Mr. Sanchez touched the lives of hundreds of students. There will, of course, be some who remember him a little more than others because of the special things he did for those who needed it. I know that, for me, my time in Mr. Sanchez’s class changed my life and he’s a big part of the reason with whom and what I am now. He taught me to embrace the way my mind works, and showed me that being different isn’t really a bad thing.

A Father's Love( nilikha para sa aking tatay(lolo) )

2009-08-06T00:09:00.000-07:00

Memories, those times in your life to which you can reflect to at any moment. They're all so precious even some bad ones because they form who you are. When you want to remember someone close to you who may have passed, the memories are bitter sweet. When you reflect on birthday parties, or curling up with your parents when you were once a child. That nostalgia makes a warm smile cast over your face.

Though there are some memories that you might wish to cast from all conciseness, they molded you too. Sometimes I don't like the way something went in my life, but I know that as much as the thought tempts me I wouldn't change a thing.

Now that I am grown up man, I can still remember the days I sat on my Tatay's lap. I can hear him telling the stories of when he was young. They weren't your typical walking ten miles to school in the mountain stories. They held more to the imagination than that. It was my time a time that will never fade into the past.

To my Tatay, I know that I'm still the same little boy I was 16 years ago. Some things never change.

When people look at my Tatay, they only see the pain he lives with. If only they could look further past the surface. Through my eyes, I see the same amount of strength and love that was always inside of him. He has taught me, through his ups and downs that it's what you have at this moment in time that matters. Every few months, we have the same conversation. It starts with him telling me how proud he is of the person I have become. Then it ends quite drastically. He lets me know that his days are numbered there are no guarantees in life. The most important thing to him is being able to see me as often as he can.

Old age with it the strongest sense of fear you ever thought possible. In the blink of an eye, you're thrust into the unknown. The question lingers If there is no tomorrow, will God give us the rest of today? That is what my Tatay lives for. He is determined to make the most out of what time he has left. In his own words, "Life's too short to get worked up over what can't be changed". These are the words to live by.

There is more to my Tatay than any other person in this world. He is the most unselfish and compassionate person that I have ever known. I always tell him how much I love him and thank him for being my tatay. To anyone walking in my shoes, the most important thing to know is that nothing will ever compare to the love of my father.

Why?

2009-08-05T01:05:00.000-07:00

There is no one in the world who has a mind to think with that has not asked themselves "Why?" I don't mean any specific why, but why everything. Why are people different colors? Why do we destroy the Earth when we know that to do this is to destroy ourselves? Why are we here at all?

Everyone needs to believe that they are here for a reason, even if the reason is just to live for the sake of living, which may be the best reason of all. Without a reason to live, the world is cold, and day-to-day life is painful and tiring.

There was a time when I felt that life was not worth the pain, and every day it got harder to wake up, to face my friends who understood me (although I would not admit it to myself), and to fight the everyday problems that are a part of life. It was the fight that began to give me a reason to live. The fight just to stay alive was the reason I was staying alive. I told myself that I would survive at any cost, and I did.

Now, I know why I am here. I am here to live life as it is, to learn about myself, understand myself: why I fight everything and everyone; why I love the people I do. As long as we understand ourselves and love ourselves for what we are, we don't need a universal reason to live. We can all make our own reasons, anything that keeps us from feeling unimportant and unloved.

By educating ourselves and understanding other peoples' beliefs and values, we can stop being afraid of what we don't know or what isn't familiar to us. When we stop being afraid (and fear can make us hateful), we can stop hurting other people and use that energy to help ourselves. Our own energy that comes from concentrating and thinking can be used to change the world, and make it a place where people can learn about themselves and understand why they are alive

When I grow up

2009-08-04T23:12:00.000-07:00

In kindergarten, my class was asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Crayons danced across sheets of paper to illustrate our dream occupations. Our drawings were hung in the hallway for our parents to see at Back to School Night. I remember looking down the line and seeing pictures of ballerinas dancing, firefighters putting out a blaze, and astronauts leaping across the moon – careers that were seen as typical dreams of five-year-olds.

My picture showed a stick figure with brown hair holding a carton of orange juice over a large rectangle that was supposed to be a counter. Underneath was my barely legible handwriting: “When I grow up, I want to work at the Market Basket because it would be fun to swipe orange juice across the scanner.” To this day my parents won’t let me forget that out of everything I could have aspired to be, my five-year-old self wished to work at the local grocery store.

When we are young, questions of what we want to be when we grow up are common. Yet we are not expected to respond with an answer that is likely to come true. However, when we become teens, we are asked the very same question twice as often. The difference is, now we are supposed to answer with confidence.

Teens are expected to know exactly what we want to be and how we are going to achieve that goal. Not all of us can be so sure. Even though I am a nurse alread, I still cannot answer convincingly. But I don’t consider that a bad thing. How am I supposed to know what I will want to spend my time doing at age 40?

When I think about the future, I definitely don’t see myself working at the Market Basket, but in reality, if that was what would make me happy, I would do it. So, the next time someone asks me what I want to be when I grow up, I will simply say “happy.”

Happiness is a destination for everyone. We may want to walk different paths in life, but we all want to be happy wherever we end up. Choose your path, but don’t worry too much about choosing wisely. Make a mistake or two and try new things. But always remember, if you’re not happy, you’re not at the end of your journey yet.

Now It's Time to Say Goodbye

2009-08-03T22:31:00.000-07:00

The end of any relationship is difficult, whether you've spent years together or just a few months. Love isn't put to rest overnight and can linger long after you've said goodbye. Some experts say it takes half as long as the relationship lasted to process it and move on. Others say grief holds itself unaccountable and to no specific timetable, that it can go on for months and years. Rather than the duration of your time spent with each other, it is the quality, the intensity, of this time that will dictate the length and breadth of grief. A few shorts weeks with a woman you felt a true connection with might be much harder to get over than a man you liked and were with for years, but never quite meshed with. Both relationships might've been viable at one time, yet both led to the same place anyway - saying goodbye. And it is in the parting (yes, parting is such sweet sorrow. Or, sometimes, parting is such sweet relief!) where you can begin again. Except of course if you aren't really ready to say goodbye.

Breakups can be brutal, on both sides. Usually, because of a shared history and strong emotional connections, the one leaving doesn't want to hurt the one being left, and the one being left doesn't want to be let go. Those early, pure feelings of desire, which brought you two together, become tangled up in ego, in resentment and pride and the need for self-protection. You close up and off. You turn away from what you admired and respected in the other, because it's just too damn painful to see it and know that it wasn't enough, that in the end you just "weren't feeling it."

If you are the one leaving, be kind. Make the end as clean and clear as possible. Or, as a good friend of mine says, "Be sure to use a sharpened machete, not a rusty butter knife." If you cut it off, make sure that it stays off. There's nothing worse than a wishy-washy breakup. If this is what you really want, then be strong in your convictions, because the other will go on hoping against hope that you'll eventually wake up and change your mind, that you'll see what you're missing and come back around. Sometimes, you will, only to leave again. Sometimes, you won't, and regret it.

If you are the one being left, be kind to yourself. Everyone will tell you not to take it personally and you shouldn't. Try to separate your wounded ego from the reality of the situation - that for whatever reason, this other person simply didn't want what you wanted at the exact same time. I hate to reduce good, productive relationships down to timing, but more often than not, timing is all we really have to go on. If he wasn't in the right place in his life, there's nothing you could've done to change that. Patience might win out in the end, but then again, so does resentment. You can only wait around so long for someone to get his act together before you realize that "getting his act together" is just an act and that you deserve far more than this.

Do not make someone a priority, if he only makes you an option. And that goes for the grief you will feel as well. Try to contain it. Let it preoccupy you less and less each day. Give it a few minutes and stick to those minutes. Remove old photos, erase voice messages, cards, trinkets, any object that reminds you of him or her. At least for now. Later, much later, you might look back fondly on what was, but right now, you've got to let go of what isn't. If it's a nice day, go fly a kite, take a walk on the beach, look at some art. Find what makes you happy again, because that's who she fell in love with to begin with. And that's who you are anyway, even if you can't see yourself clearly through the tears. But you will. You will.

Falling in love too fast

2009-08-03T22:18:00.000-07:00

The feeling of falling in love is one of the most exciting, thrilling and life changing events. Falling in love can change your entire outlook on life. Falling in love can occupy your mind and seem to take away all of life's problems. However, falling in love can bring about a serious problem of endless heartaches if a person falls in love too fast. Let us look at what brings about the feeling of needing to fall in love, what defines true love and the string of broken hearts that can occur if one falls in love too quickly.

With these key elements examined, a person may realize that they are too rapidly generating the feeling of falling in love, and in doing so, producing unfortunate consequences. A life filled with a great amount of broken hearts predictably points to a great amount of relationships in which the person fell in love too quickly. Once acknowledged as a source of heartaches, one can achieve a more realistic approach to falling in love and finding someone special.

The majority of adult single people undoubtedly desire the ultimate feeling of being in love with another person. Instilled in people's minds is that love will bring happiness, safely and security. Most people are witness to a loving relationship from a very young age, as we witness the love of our parents. As adults, the media overwhelms us with love stories. Countless advertising bombards us to find love. When one is single, it may seem that everywhere they look; there are couples holding hands, talking and laughing together. This can produce an overpowering desire for a person to find love.

Real and genuine love means connecting in ways that are almost indescribable. Present are the key elements that each desire in a relationship. There is a strong emotional attachment, as well as an intense physical attraction. The two people in the relationship spent time thoroughly getting to know the each other. These people will understand each other quirks and habits. They will learn each other's history and the life that they lived up until they met. After sometime, a feeling of comfort and admiration occurs. As cliché as it sounds, if love is going to happen, both will have a feeling of "fitting together" and "finding their better half". If both people involved in the relationship are content and their desires fulfilled, as time moves on, an increasing feeling of devotion and affection will change into a deep and strong feeling of love.

Without these fundamentals in place, having the feelings of falling in love exceedingly prematurely can result in needless heartbreaking outcomes. It is true that being single can sometimes produce intense feelings of loneliness. These feelings of solitude and wanting acceptance into a loving relationship can make one push for a relationship that is not correct for them. Beginning to spend time with another, sometimes a person will mistake the feeling of acceptance for the feeling of love. Love is not something easily obtained. For long periods, love can escape us, as we search for that someone special that we wish for in our lives.

Telling yourself that you are in love, does not create love. If not all of the essentials of genuine love are in place, convincing yourself that you are in love does not magically produce those necessary elements. If in almost every relationship you enter, you fall in love within a couple weeks or even days, you must ask yourself; are you really in love?

Undoubtedly, falling in love produces a magnificent euphoric high. The emotion of finding one's "soul mate" fulfills a deep desire to bond with someone. True love is such a rare find. In terms of realistic expectations, one simply cannot sincerely be in love with every person they meet or date. Allowing yourself to feel you are in love with almost everyone you connect with, in a small measure of time, only will lead to ultimate disappointment. Sincerely asking yourself the question, "Was it really true love?" may give you the knowledge that perhaps you did not actually experience love. This is not to imply you did not admire someone, like spending time with him or her or had lust for him or her. However, did real love exist? Comprehending that it did not, may lessen the sense of feeling betrayed and the feeling of being wounded from relationships gone astray.

To free yourself from being the victim of lost "love", give yourself the time to unequivocally get to know and appreciate someone, allowing love to happen in it's own due course. Do not impulsively rush into a state of feeling in love. Seriously consider all of the factors that ensure a real and lasting love. Give this feeling time to develop. Only then, can you truly know that you are in love.

People Come and Go

2009-07-29T17:37:00.000-07:00

Many People Come and Go

But only a few ever stay,

And even when they do, they only stay for a while. You'll only realize they're gone when they've already left. You'd never know that they have their other foot outside the door all the time.

When strangers come to your life, be careful of trusting them your heart. You'll never know they'll leave like thieves in the middle of the night, stealing a part of you and all that's left is your shattered heart.

People come and go. Never wish for them to stay. Because they never will. When they have no reasons to stay.

My father's closet

2009-07-27T20:41:00.000-07:00

by Jeremy Deck

Lying down beside me, my mother softly said, "I can’t tell you why, but if you guess it I won’t say no." I was 11 years old, and my picture-perfect life had unraveled in the past six months. But finally, perhaps, I would discover why my father had left. "Is it another woman?" I asked. "No," she responded in a peculiar way. Laughingly I retorted, "Another man?" … and there was silence.

Fifteen years later, that silence still rings in my ears. It is a silence which has changed my life forever, a silence broken only to a few close friends and family members, for fear of what people might think if they knew the truth. When Christians talk about having loved ones who are homosexuals, the conversation nearly always focuses on either what we can do to help that person adjust to their new life, or how we can bring them back into the Kingdom. But few have paid attention to those who are left behind.

After my parents’ separation, my sister and I began spending every other weekend with my father in the city. He shared a condo with a man who had also left his wife and children. The man’s two daughters seemed to have adjusted to the situation. It was as if everything was "normal." But I felt anything but normal. It was as if I had fallen asleep and woken up in a bizarre alternate reality. At the end of the day, my father would not walk into the bedroom with my mom, like he had done only weeks before. Instead, he headed off to bed with a man I had met only days before.

Those weekends were a nightmare for my sister and me. Not only were we forced to leave our mother and friends, but we were placed in a culture we knew nothing about. It was not just a foreign culture; it was one which was anathema to the community in which we were raised. We had gone from the Garden of Eden to Sodom and Gomorrah. How could my father, who once reigned over our Eden, suddenly become a supporter of what we had seen as the enemy?

I was forced to deal with those weekends only for a short time, since a few months later, my mother, sister, and I moved 2,000 miles away from my dad. In many ways, this move made things easier for me. I was no longer forced to face the truth of my dad’s revelations. As much as I hated the fact that my family had not let me in on the secret of my father’s sexuality, I quickly discovered that I was able to find some security by keeping my dad’s identity hidden. As long as nobody else knew about my dad, I was safe from facing the truth head-on. I could live my life as if I was a member of the family on The Cosby Show -- or at least some close dysfunctional relative.

Reality would set in again during the summer when I visited my dad. These were always times of ambivalence because, despite all the pain, I longed to be with my father. Like most sons, I had always wanted to be just like my dad. He was funny and people always seemed to love being around him. But I no longer really knew who my father was. The joy I felt at each joke he told and each person who gathered around him was now tempered by the reality that he was no longer the father I once had. He was no longer my protector from the world, but in fact had become the world. This betrayal was unfathomable to me.

Even in the midst of this betrayal, though, I loved to be held by my dad. I still desired the unique closeness of a father-son relationship. I treasured the times when it was just me and him sitting together on a couch watching a movie. It was wonderful cheering together at a Padres game that I knew he came to only because of my own love for baseball. As difficult as it was to trust or love my father, I hoped for a closer relationship with him.

It didn’t get any easier as I grew older. It wasn’t until my senior year in high school that I told someone about my father. My desire for security finally gave way to my need to be understood. And when I told my girlfriend about my dad, I was relieved to see that she didn’t run away from me and she didn’t accuse me of being gay. Thankfully, she did not treat me like I was strange -- though I certainly felt I was.

It was even more difficult to tell my male friends about my dad. I was petrified that if I told them I would be accused of being "queer" -- not the sort of reputation you want to have in high school. If I told them, would they look at me strangely when I gave them a pat on the back after a nice basketball shot?

I did not want to be ostracized simply because my dad was gay, and I wasn’t sure whether people, especially guys, would be able to separate my father’s identity from my own. Moreover, I was frequently reminded of the animosity many felt toward homosexuals. My junior year of college, a group of friends and I were watching an episode of ER in which a homosexual man was dying of AIDS. One of my friends -- a future pastor -- quipped, "I hate it when they show compassion toward them!" My heart sank. How could I tell my friends about my dad?

But the question soon became, how could I not tell them? If these were my best friends and my fellow brothers in Christ, how could I not help them see that homosexuality is more than leather-clad men in a bar?

One night I got the courage to read them a short paper I’d written about my father. It was one of the hardest things I’ve every done. I barely got through the first paragraph before I broke down. But by the time I was finished I saw the compassion in their eyes, and in the days that followed, I saw a change in their words and actions. My friend who had made the ER comment apologized. Others also asked for forgiveness for comments they had made in the past. My story had helped them to understand a different side of homosexuality.

It is this side of the story that I feel compelled to tell. Children of homosexuals have a unique vantage point on the complexities of the issue. Homosexuals are often able to surround themselves with like-minded individuals in the thriving gay culture. Spouses, parents, or siblings of homosexuals do not usually immerse themselves in a homosexual environment once their loved ones "come out." Children, however, are in a sense forced to live a lifestyle they have not chosen. My father has never made me go with him to gay sections of town, but as a child you are emotionally dependent on your parents and do not often feel the right to tell your parent," I don’t want to go to this particular place or meet that particular person."

When I visit my dad I begin to truly understand what it’s like to live as a homosexual. My dad does not take me barhopping to gay taverns at night, but I am basically surrounded by

homosexuals. It’s a strange feeling to be standing on a street corner watching a gay rights parade while your dad laughs hysterically at the "Dykes on Bikes" -- something that, only a few years earlier, you would have been punished for viewing.

This transition has made me leery of putting trust in anyone. As a child, I had placed uncompromising trust in my parents. But since that trust was violated, I’ve found it difficult to put that much faith in anyone’s word, or in their character. Even when all is going well, I constantly guard myself against being too happy, aware that at any second my life could be dismantled again.

Perhaps most saddening to me, and for many other children of homosexuals, is the difficulty I have in trusting the motives of older men. Family experts repeatedly point out that children of divorced parents need to have someone fill in as a father figure. But whenever an older man pays attention to me, as a father would to his son, I am plagued with the fear that he might be gay. It isn’t the most rational fear -- I know that not all gay men are on the prowl for other men -- but it grips me nonetheless.

I am even more troubled when someone says to my dad, "You have a son?" Each time I hear this question I am flooded with insecurities. Is my dad ashamed of me? Why don’t these people know that my dad has two children? Since he isn’t proud of his heterosexual marriage, wouldn’t he also be embarrassed by me? If my sister and I are the only connection he has with his past, are we a thorn in his side every time he sees us? Nobody wants to be reminded of a past they’re ashamed of. Why should I think my dad would be any different? And when homosexuals come out of the closet, why shouldn’t they wish that their skeletons would stay inside? It’s not easy being a skeleton.

Likewise, it would be easy for me to be ashamed of my dad. But I, and others in my situation, have something more than shame to bring to the conversation between homosexuals and the church. By spending time with my father and his friends, I know firsthand what it means to be surrounded by people who don’t share many of my basic desires, tastes, passions, and struggles. It is at least a taste of the sort of isolation homosexuals must feel living in a heterosexual world.

Similarly, I probably have a greater appreciation of the fear homosexuals must have of telling their parents that they are gay. I know how fearful I am of telling my father what I believe about his lifestyle. What if he refuses to have anything to do with me because of what I believe? I have already missed out on a lot of my dad’s life as it is, and I am not eager to strain a relationship that has had many bumps and bruises. I can only imagine the despair homosexuals must feel in revealing themselves to their parents.

But in spite of all I’ve learned, there is much that I still don’t -- and may not ever -- understand about homosexuality. Homosexuality runs deep; it is not something that can be chalked up as merely a surface desire or a simple, conscious choice. It seems to me that we need to spend less time worrying about the origins of homosexuality and more time caring for homosexuals.

I would be lying, though, to say that I now have such compassion for homosexuals that I am completely comfortable in their world. It is hard for me to sit in the same room with my father as he cuddles with another man; hard to drive around with him as he comments on what a good-looking guy we just passed; hard to walk together through a gay section of town, knowing that people on the street might think that we’re lovers. But I put myself in these situations because I love my father, and because I want to know him, even the parts of him that I disagree with, the parts that have hurt me deeply.

I’ve been in these places, as have many other children of homosexuals, but I have been there alone -- in part because I was ashamed, and in part because I didn’t see that the church was particularly interested in going there with me. Even as I make my story known, part of me wonders whether there will be some who will look at me strangely, checking my mannerisms for signs of "gayness." Still, I believe that the children of homosexuals have much to offer. It is much easier to hate, or misunderstand, someone you have no connection to than someone you see as your friend’s parent.

Ever since the day I learned the truth about my dad, I have taken Romans 8:28 to heart: "All things work together for good to those who love the Lord." For me, I think part of this good comes in telling my story. Other than my sister, I have met only one person who I know is in the same situation as I am. That meeting was historic to me, and it brought a sense of understanding that I had not felt before. I hope that the church can become a community where more of these meetings can take place and where Christians will join me, and those in similar situations, in our difficult and often complex call to love.

....

2009-07-27T03:03:00.001-07:00

Always reward your long hours of labor and toil in the very best way, surrounded by your family. Nurture their love carefully, remembering that your children need models, not critics, and your own progress will hasten when you constantly strive to present your best side to your children. And even if you have failed at all else in the eyes of the world, if you have a loving family, you are a success.

Love and Age

2009-07-27T02:48:00.000-07:00

Nurse: “It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 am,when an elderly gentleman, in his 80’s, presented to have sutures (stitches) removed from his thumb.

He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I (nurse) took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him.

I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. Asked him if he had a doctor’s appointment this morning somewhere else, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer Disease. As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound, I asked if she would be worried if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him. “And you are still going every morning, even though she doesn’t know who you are?” He smiled as he patted my hand and said. “She doesn’t know me, but I still know who she is.”

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, “That is the kind of love I want in my life.”

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

The Mountains

2009-07-27T02:41:00.000-07:00

"A son and his father were walking on the mountains.

Suddenly, his son falls, hurts himself and screams: "AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

To his surprise, he hears the voice repeating, somewhere in the mountain: "AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

Curious, he yells: "Who are you?"

He receives the answer: "Who are you?"

And then he screams to the mountain: "I admire you!"

The voice answers: "I admire you!"

Angered at the response, he screams: "Coward!"

He receives the answer: "Coward!"

He looks to his father and asks: "What's going on?"

The father smiles and says: "My son, pay attention."

Again the man screams: "You are a champion!"

The voice answers: "You are a champion!"

The boy is surprised, but does not understand.
Then the father explains: "People call this ECHO, but really this is LIFE.
It gives you back everything you say or do.
Our life is simply a reflection of our actions.

If you want more love in the world, create more love in your heart.

If you want more competence in your team, improve your competence.

This relationship applies to everything, in all aspects of life;
Life will give you back everything you have given to it."

YOUR LIFE IS NOT A COINCIDENCE. IT'S A REFLECTION OF YOU!

Parents love

2009-07-27T02:38:00.001-07:00

An 80 year old man was sitting on the sofa in his house along with his 45 years old highly educated son. Suddenly a crow perched on their window.

The Father asked his Son, "What is this?"

The Son replied "It is a crow".

After a few minutes, the Father asked his Son the 2nd time, "What is this?"

The Son said "Father, I have just now told you "It's a crow".

After a little while, the old Father again asked his Son the 3rd time,

What is this?"

At this time some ex-pression of irritation was felt in the Son's tone when he said to his Father with a rebuff. "It's a crow, a crow".

A little after, the Father again asked his Son t he 4th time, "What is this?"

This time the Son shouted at his Father, "Why do you keep asking me the same question again and again, although I have told you so many times 'IT IS A CROW'. Are you not able to understand this?"

A little later the Father went to his room and came back with an old tattered diary, which he had maintained since his Son was born. On opening a page, he asked his Son to read that page. When the son read it, the following words were written in the diary :-

"Today my little son aged three was sitting with me on the sofa, when a crow was sitting on the window. My Son asked me 23 times what it was, and I replied to him all 23 times that it was a Crow. I hugged him lovingly each time h e asked me the same question again and again for 23 times. I did not at all feel irritated I rather felt affection for my innocent child".

While the little child asked him 23 times "What is this", the Father had felt no irritation in replying to the same question all 23 times and when today the Father asked his Son the same question just 4 times, the Son felt irritated and annoyed.

So..

If your parents attain old age, do not repulse them or look at them as a burden, but speak to them a gracious word, be cool, obedient, humble and kind to them. Be considerate to your parents. From today say this aloud, "I want to see my parents happy forever. They have cared for me ever since I was a little child. They have always showered their selfless love on me. They crossed all mountains and valleys without seeing the storm and heat to make me a person presentable in the society today".

all about love..

2009-07-22T07:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes there would come a time we had to stop loving someone...
why????
...not because the person started hating us but because the person stopped giving us reason's
to fight for what we trully feel.
and what is sad about love??
it when you happen to know that there's no hope for you being together,yet you pray to make it still work.
Its when your mind say's "let go" but your heart say's "hold on"
its when you dream of him almost everynight only to wake up in the morning w/ tears in your eyes,and most of all its when no matter how
you try to forget him and just dont know why....
When relationship fails we ask ourselves what went wrong there are times when nothing was wrong...
love? just naturally fades away and this happens to people who are simply not meant for each other.
Its difficult to comprehend why realationship suddenly take unexpected turns.....

regrets,.taking chances,.

2009-07-19T22:42:00.000-07:00

We talk like we know what's going on. But we don't. We don't know anything. We're young and we're gonna screw-up a lot. We're gona keep changing our minds and even sometimes our hearts. And through all that, the only thing we can truly offer eachother is... forgiveness.

Take chances... alot of them. Because honestly, no matter where you end up- and with who, it always ends up just the way it should be. Your mistakes make you who you are... you learn and grow with each choice you make. Everything is worth it. say how you feel- always . Be you, and be okay with it. It doesn't matter what any other person thinks.

Never regret anything that has happened in your life, it cannot be changed, undone or forgotten so take it as a lesson learned and move on

Accept everything about yourself -- I mean everything, You are you and that is the beginning and the end -- no apologies, no regrets.

Don't Give Up you may be tempted to... but dont give up; when you've misplaced your hopeful dreams, Dare to believe again in the impossible; Catch a ray of sunshine,and hold on tightly; The one who holds your hand... will never let you go.

Believe you can, and you can. Belief is one of the most powerful of all problem dissolvers. When you believe that a difficulty can be overcome, you are more than half way to victory over it already.

I never regret anything that has happened to me in my life, wether it is making a bad choice, deciding to do something I shouldnt have, saying the wrong thing or not doing something I should have done... because all of these things have given me the knowledge I have today and helped make me who I am today... and that is one thing I will never regret.

When you come to the edge of the light that you know, and you are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen: there will be something to land on, or you will learn how to fly.

Please don't blame yourself for any of the stupid shit that I choose to do. None of this is your fault. I'm the one who makes these bad decisions so I'm the one who pays the consequences.--- Jupiter-Girl

The trouble with so many of us is that we underestimate the power of simplicity. We have a tendency it seems to over complicate our lives and forget what's important and what's not. We tend to mistake movement for achievement. We tend to focus on activities instead of results. And as the pace of life continues to race along in the outside world, we forget that we have the power to control our lives regardless of what's going on outside.

There are two things which prevent us from achieving our dreams. The first is the belief that they are impossible and the second is seeing them made possible by the twist of the wheel of fortune when we least expect it. For at that moment, all our fears rise to the surface: the fear of suddenly setting off along a road heading god knows where, the fear of a life full of new challenges, the fear of losing forever all that is familiar.

Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past - stop planning the future - stop figuring out precisely how we feel - stop deciding with our mind exactly what we want our heart to feel- sometimes we just have to go with the flow.

When you make a mistake, don't look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power.

I'd rather live my life to the fullest than conduct myself in a certain way to gain approval from others; I have no regrets and especially no apologies.

I've been thinking a lot lately about taking chances. And how it's really just about overcoming your fears. Because the truth is, every time you take a big risk in your life, no matter how it ends up, you're always glad you took it. ~ Scrubs

moving on.,

2009-07-19T22:39:00.000-07:00

It's hard to accept, but you can't change the past. You can't go back and manipulate things to the way you wanted them to happen. Because life'd be meaningless and boring and just not worth living. But you can change the future and that's a beautiful thing about life. Yes, you will make mistakes. And yes, you will have bad days - but as long as you let the past go, you'll have such a gorgeous and bright future ahead of you. Knowing that things were meant to happen. Knowing that each day you will learn something so that you keep growing to be a better person. Life is like a rope, twined in all its complexities and yet weaved into one marvelous stream that you have the chance you use something amazing from. So grab hold of it.

...

2009-07-19T22:36:00.001-07:00

"With every friend I love who has been taken into the brown bosom of the earth a part of me has been buried there; but their contribution to my being of happiness, strength and understanding remains to sustain me in an altered world."

Missing you quotes.,.

2009-07-19T22:20:00.000-07:00

When I'm not there... do you think of me? When you're sad and something's bothering you... do you wish I was there to help comfort you? When you've had a long hard day... do you smile knowing that soon you'll be seeing me, and everything will seem better, even if it's just for a moment? When you lay down at night... do you look back and cherish the new memories you've made with me? And when you get up in the morning, does everything inside of you smile, knowing that this will be another day that we'll be together? because that's how I think of you...

When I miss you, sometimes I listen to music or look at pictures of you, not to remind me of you but to make me feel as if I'm with you. It makes me forget the distance and capture you.

No matter how far you are, no matter how long I'm gone, you will always be with me. I will see you always as clear as day, for our love knows no boundaries and never will, because you see... our hearts are one, and mine is always home.

Not being able to hold you has got to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But I get to look forward to the next time you are in my arms; your smile only inches away from mine getting closer and closer until at last... our smiles meet. Something that beautiful... that's what keeps me going.

Sometimes, no matter how much faith we have, we lose people. But you never forget them. And sometimes, it's those memories that give us the strength to go on.

I've been laying here all night, listening to the rain. Talking to my heart and trying to explain. Why sometimes I catch myself wondering what might have been. Yes I do think about you, every now and then.

In this weird twisted way, I know you miss me liking you, not because I want to believe it's true, but because you'll never find a girl that can put up with you like I did; you'll never find a girl who will care as much as I did, because no one will waste all there love on someone like you, like I did.

I called because I wanted you to know that despite everything that' happened and all the miles between us right now, I still think about the way it was in the beginning.

This is out last goodbye... it's over, just hear this and then I'll go; you gave me more to live for then you'll ever know.

I don't miss you: I miss the person I thought you were.

I'd be happy to come back to you... except it was you that went away.

I think its time I let you go... and that is hard to do because part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life.

Good-bye's make you think. They make you realize what you've had and what you've lost, and what you've taken for granted.

Good-bye is only truly painful if you know you'll never say hello again.

Never long for anyone from the past. There is a reason why they never made it to your future.

Goodbyes always hurt whether it's the right thing to do or not.
Distance between two hearts is not an obstacle... rather a beautiful reminder of just how strong true love can be.

Can miles truly separate you...? If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there?

You know you love someone when the mere thought of losing them brings you to tears.

Life's Dream For You

2009-07-04T02:28:00.000-07:00

There are the dreams you have for your life and then there are the dreams that life has for you. At times, we may wonder what’s going on or feel lost, but life has its plan which may include your dreams or something completely different.

We're all part of the fiber that makes life whole and to that end, we have our place here. For such a time as this, you were created to do some important work in the world. Do you have any idea, in your wildest imagination, what life wants from you?

You were born to fulfill a sacred function, a mission, a purpose, perhaps even a calling. Not all missions have to be like Mother Theresa’s. Some of our missions are quieter, more discreet, but nonetheless essential.

Where do you find the answer to the question, “Why am I here?” Look in your heart or in your loved ones’ eyes, or in the words of your closest friends. But also look out at life. There's so much the world needs from us right now. Life needs your faith, your courage, your ability to trust, hope and believe. Life needs your prayers and contributions. Life needs your gifts.

To live a joyful life, discover what fulfills you, what makes you happy, what makes you whole and what sustains you. The compass for discovering this is your heart. Some refer to it as our soul’s code. It's the inherent wisdom inside you that knows why you're here. When you cultivate the ability to recognize this and to trust it, life becomes rich and (sometimes) easier.

Where can you offer your gift? As you explore or recognize what life (perhaps in the form of your family, home, work, community or country) needs, and you move towards it or reach for it, an amazing thing happens. Life reaches back. It can be in the form of appreciation, synchronicity or intimacy.

This is life’s way of letting you know you're on track. It’s feedback. But sometimes the greatest gift of saying yes to life’s dream for you is how you feel. There's nothing more gratifying than truly knowing in your heart that you are acting with purpose.

The Secret of Happiness

2009-07-02T03:56:00.000-07:00

Being happy is really a choice we make. The secret of Happiness is simple, very simple - what is it?

You decide if you want to be happy!

We all strive for happiness in life. Like many, you probably think achievements such as education, marriage, family and social/financial status make you happy.these achievements have little to do with your happiness. For millions of people, happiness has remained a rather elusive goal. They’ve tried to buy happiness. They’ve sought it through materialistic and pleasurable activities such as buying a new SUV or going on vacation. But nothing has seemed to work.

For most people these changes, new possessions or temporary pleasures, might work for a while but will eventually become part of your status quo, and their power to deliver happiness will fade. I do believe that our brains is hard-wired in ways that, at least to some degree, determine just how happy you’re going to be.

While so many ideas about the secret to happiness are debated, you don’t have to wait to begin discovering happiness within yourself. You see happiness comes from your social relationships, enjoyable work, fulfillment, high self-esteem, a sense that your life has meaning, and joining civic and other groups.

Your life is sprinkled with ample opportunities for discovering happiness. Search for the small things that give you a little laugh or a smile. Take time to be with your family and friends. In the long run, these are the treasures that will enhance your happiness, not some grand achievements that only give you a lift for a short while.

One way to steer your life toward happiness is simply to count your blessings. Happy people know that they don’t get to be happy all the time. They can appreciate brief moments, little victories, small miracles, and the personal interactions that bring real happiness.

Happiness comes from mastering the art of appreciating and consciously enjoying what you already have.

You Never Die From A Broken Heart, You Simply Wish You Did.

2009-06-26T21:27:00.000-07:00

We have all had our hearts broken in a relationship. The amount of pain we experience can be unbearable. How do we move on and try to heal our broken heart?

Have you ever felt like someone ripped your heart out? That feeling can leave one depressed, distraught and the feeling of desperation and major depression. The old addage time heals all wounds its just that a saying, but in time things will get better and you will begin to live again. Nothing is worse than the breaking of your heart when a steamy relationship is over. And then watch them go when its over, is really hard. And as we mature, the number of people breaking our hearts goes on and on, and seems to hurt even more as we try to move on with our everyday lives.

While dealing with bad relationships, the initial thing is to allow them to go completely. Keep in mind that a relationship over is absolutely inevitable and above all, inescapable. Try to develop your confidence that someone better is coming to join you someday. There is a replacement for everything. After a relationship over, if we return to that person with whom we had bad relationships; they will perceive us no more than a beaten personality whom they had defeated. Hence, we would risk embarrassment and falling into the same pattern over and over again. So let it go when its over.

A perfect way to just let go is to refuse to give in to the temptation to revisit that person and simply keep away from calling them on the cell phone, sending emails or getting in touch with them otherwise. When you have separations with someone for whom you still feel from the core of your heart, it's attractive to allow them make all the rules so as to keep them in your life. The difficulty is, if there is no hope of squaring off, you are just drawing out the suffering - and it will take even more time for your broken heart to recover.

When someone there is breaking your heart, it’s all right to feel bad. Give yourself time to recover when its over. Go on a walk by yourself, or you can listen to your favorite upbeat or sad music which accurately translates your feelings. Listening to sad kind of music will help you to realize that the relationship is over and it’s time to think about something new. Every feeling has its own worth, as every feeling tells us something novel about our own personalities. Just as we take pleasure in being happy, we can take pleasure in being sad for when a relationship is over; expressing that we are not going to feel the same way forever. Because the sun does not shine every morning does not mean it will continue raining forever.

Talk to someone about your relationship over. Your best buddy will let you voice all of your fury and frustration and will raise your spirits afterwards. If you keep all your depression and grief solely within the boundaries of your own heart after a breaking up, you might end up blaming yourself for bad relationships, and you could miss the boat for making deeper relations with the rest of your buddies, too.

They say time heals all wounds! Undoubtedly, this short phrase might help you in terms of a relationship being over. With the passage of time, 'today' will slip into the past, and you won’t even remember the heartache at all. As we learn to grow from our experience, each experience good or bad will influence us in every way down the road. So do not look at this as wasted time but as a growing experience in our own lives. Live and learn is what is boils down to and we of course hope to avoid the same issue the next time we decide to open our hearts to another person.

Never let go of Hope

2009-06-24T04:13:00.000-07:00

One day you will see that it
all has finally come
together.

What you have always
wished for has finally come
to be.

You will look back and laugh
at what has passed and
you will ask yourself,
"How did i get through all of that?"

Just never let go of hope
Just never suit dreaming and never let love depart from
your life.

This is what i am always doing, never let go of hope even at times that i feel lost and don't know what i am really heading for..
As time passes by, the experiences that i've gone through made me realize what i really want and what could really make me happy..I am still young but somehow , I already have a concept of what i want to happen many years from now..and with the people surrounding me now, i am confident enough to say that even if life never seems to be the way i want it to be,.it would be easier for me to survive and live happily in this earthly life,..I just always have to put in mind that" I should never let go of Hope "...

....

2009-06-24T04:01:00.000-07:00

one grows distant from one another not because of hatred, not because of indifference, but because of fear.. there's the fear that the hurt gets greater as one gets closer: a recognition of the tendency to fall deeply and consequently drown in a quicksand of stupid irrationalities..sometimes, what drives one away is not the absence of emotion, but the overwhelming presence of it..

never too far

2009-06-24T03:56:00.000-07:00

Day and Night are linked in a way few things are.
There cannot be one without the other,
yet they cannot exist at the same time
How would it feel?
To be always together, yet forever apart?

adopted from the movie -The Notebook

this is for you

2009-06-22T03:27:00.000-07:00

You should ask me first before concluding anything for i am the one who exactly knows what i really think and what i really feel. If u do not believe me it only shows you do not trust me and you do not really love me. They can easily say bad things about me but i don't give a damn on them for they don't mean anything to me. It hurts me a lot to be judged for something that i don't really know. What is running through my mind now is that maybe i'm not good enough but i swear i'm trying my best to work it out.

There was a time that a friend told me that i do have a very catchy personality. He said its not bad to be kind all the time but sometimes i should not be for others tend to misinterpret this kindness that they thought im interested to them even if i'm not. Now i know what he is talking about.

From now on, ill be practicing to be snob at times. I hope that it would be enough to please you and to make you happy. (I know its not good but i have to)

A teacher's lesson

2009-06-22T02:40:00.000-07:00

There is a story many years ago of an elementary teacher. Her name was Mrs. Thompson. And as she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children a lie. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same.

But that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard. Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he didn't play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. And Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers.

At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.
Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners. He is a joy to be around."

His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle."
His third grade teacher wrote, "His mother's death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best but his father doesn't show much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken."

Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and sometimes sleeps in class."

By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's. His present which was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag.

Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one quarter full of perfume. But she stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist.

Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, "Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to." After the children left she cried for at least an hour. On that very day, she quit teaching reading, and writing, and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children.

Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her "teacher's pets."

A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life. Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer - the letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, M.D.

The story doesn't end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he'd met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit in the place at the wedding that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom. Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. And she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together.

They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear, "Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference."
Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, "Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn't know how to teach until I met you."

I love you

2009-06-22T02:28:00.000-07:00

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…

“Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?” I asked.“I can’t”“Why? You need to study at home?” I felt disappointment grabbing me.“No… I am going to meet a friend…”
He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say ‘I love you’ before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all. He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why…

Then one day…

Me: Um, Jin, I …Jin: What…don’t drag, just say..Me: I love you.Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.That was how he ignored my ‘three words’ and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many…Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.

Me: Jin…

Jin: Here…take this…Again, he handed me a little doll.Me: What’s this?Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?Jin: Today? Huh?I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.Then I shouted… “Wait…”Jin: You have something to say?Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…Jin: What?!Me: Tell meI put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.“I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.”That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn’t call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday.

After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it’s going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual…Me: I don’t need it. Jin: What….why…I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!! I don’t want to see a person like you again!I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.“I’m sorry” He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!
But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll.

Then…

Honk~ Honk~With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.“Jin! Move! Move away!” I shouted… But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.“Jin, move!” HONK~!! “Boom!” That sound, so terrifying.That’s how he went away from me. That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls.

Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…

“One…two… three…” That was how… I started to count the dolls…“Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty five…” It all ended with 485 dolls.I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…

“I love you~, I love you~” I dropped the dolls,shocked.

“I….lo..ve…you??” I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.

“I love you~ I love you~” It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side.“I love you~”“I love you~”“I love you~”Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn’t I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much… I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much…

“Jo…Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…”
The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…
For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life.

A beautiful heart

2009-06-22T02:23:00.000-07:00

The more hurt and pain you have gone thru in life, the stronger and morebeautiful your heart will be.....

One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.

Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine." The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces missing.
The people stared. How can he say his heart is more beautiful?? they thought. The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed. "You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears."
"Yes," said the old man, "Yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared. Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges - giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"
The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands.
The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges.
The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his.
They embraced and walked away side by side.

worth waiting for...

2009-06-21T22:32:00.000-07:00

It is indeed difficult to find a job that provides a good compensation enough to support a living. It is true that life has its own complexities,. no matter how hard we try, we still find ourselves caught in the middle of two choices. Just as how pathetic it may seem if you easily give up or how desperate you'll become if you refuse to stop on something.

It is true that all takes time and that patience is a virtue. But there's just a definite feeling of joy when we get what we want, just the way we imagined to achieve it in an instance. finally after 4 days of looking for a nice job, I already have three not one(hehe). I'm about to choose for the best offer.So, I do hope that this would be the best time for me to start building my future.

what we need

2009-06-20T20:16:00.000-07:00

Today our youth are faced with tremendous challenges-and what do they need most? They need sound knowledge, sensible understanding, a guiding hand. They need real homes that are maintained in a clean and orderly manner. They need fathers who are really fathers and mothers who are mothers in the true sense of the word. They need more than mere progenitors or landlords. They are in need of loving, understanding parents, who give fatherly and motherly care, who put their families first in their lives, and who consider it their fundamental and most important duty to save their children, to so orient them and their thinking that they will not be swayed by every wind of persuasion which happens to blow in their direction. I am glad that I already have one,.

Happy father's Day Tatay!!!

"Lessons in life"

2009-06-20T20:05:00.000-07:00

I believe with all my heart that the true value of a man is not in the man who can do the work of ten men, but rather in that man who can get ten men to work. I think this is where Heavenly Father recognizes the great value of a leader, not particularly in the man who can do the work of ten, but the man who can get ten men to respond and to do what needs to be done. I remember the story of the assembly line. There was a man back in San Pablo City putting hub caps on new automobiles. He became the best man on the line. He had been putting hub caps on for ten years. One day the boss came by and said, "How are things going?" "Well, I am glad you dropped by. I think I deserve a raise. I am the best man on this line. Do you realize I have ten years' experience putting hub caps on?" The boss smiled and said, "No, George. You have one year experience ten times. It doesn't take ten years' experience to learn how to put on a hub cap." Young people, think about that for a moment. If you find yourself down in a rut putting on hub caps, and you think you have got ten years' experience, you get out of that rut, and you reach out into other areas. You learn how to do new things, and you become useful in this world that we live in.

My Coffee Shop

2009-06-14T05:12:00.000-07:00

Today I'm working at my imaginary coffee shop(I already told April about this). It's not just your usual coffee shop. It's special. It's were all of my friends gather to keep up with each other. The tables are made of wood-each one topped with a beautifully decorated table cloth-maybe white with lace edges or even crisp gingham blocks. It's spring outside, the sun is shining. There are fresh flowers on the tables. Bookshelvesline the walls with books and coffee cups placed on them. There is a bbeautiful scene painted on the ceiling. The chairs are comfy and very plush. There is a maroon sofa right inside the door. The front windows are lined with living plants. I don't just work here. I live here. This is where my mind goes when i want to be with my friends. It's happy here. Fresh and clean and i'm surrounded with living things. Every once in a while someone spills some 'milk'. But things always-always go back to normal. We all know we're loved and cared for. We all know that in our hearts we will never be alone. So please come and have a cup of coffee with me. I'm sure you'll love it here.The friendship will follow you always.

Just friends?

2009-06-14T05:07:00.000-07:00

Doesn't it annoy you when a couple will go out for a period of time, have differences, break up, and both decide to JUST BE FRIENDS. I mean, do people really think that they can ever go back to the movies, have play fights and hang out on a buddy level? When deep down, all they can think about is whether the other has a new boyfriend/girlfriend, and wonder if they will get back together again. I don't really think that ex-couples will ever get over an inside awkwardness and think of each other as a mate. Or if a girl is asked out by a guy, and she just wants to be friends, as if he will think of her as a friend.

When it comes to just a guy and girl starting out and staying buddies, definitely, this works for everybody. But as far as guy and gals of roughly the same generation goes, no-one is totally free of romantic inclinations that come from deeeep down, whether people are aware of it or not. Anyway, that is one aspect of friendship that Bronwyn Polson can add to her home page if she wants it. Any one is free to argue with it if they want.

What I've learned about friendship

2009-06-14T05:02:00.000-07:00

I've learned that there are many good friends around, but true best friends are hard to come by.
I've learned that sometimes you love a best friend more than a girlfriend.
I've learned that a best friend is more important than a girlfriend.
I've learned that you can do something or nothing with a best friend and still have the best time.
I've learned that a true friendship has many memories, both good and bad, but all important.
I've learned that sometimes the most used part of a best friend is the shoulder you cry on, and the shoulder you are willing to lend.
I've learned that when a best friend is happy, you find yourself happy too, even when it has nothing to do with you.
I've learned that a best friend's family soon feels like your own.
I've learned that the only one who truly understands is a true friend.
I've learned that nothing ever sounds stupid, funny, or unbelievable to a best friend, and you never feel stupid saying whatever it is.
I've learned that sometimes it feels like a best friend is the only one who will ever care about you and think you are beautiful in your own way.
I've learned that you always have that something extra to give to a best friend in need, and can count on that in return.
I've learned that your heart is forever touched by a true friend, no matter how things end up.
I've learned that when your heart has been broken, a best friend is the best band-aid for it.
I've learned that a best friend will call you in the middle of the night to talk without thinking, and it's OK.
I've learned that in many cases, a hug and a kind word from a best friend is the only thing that helps get you through the day.
I've learned that a best friend would stick up for you no matter what the consequences are.
I've learned that best friends can sing at the top of their lungs and not worry about singing the wrong words or being out of tune.
I've learned that best friends stay up all night and on the phone for hours talking without even realizing it.
I've learned that a best friend can tell the difference between a silly crush, and more than that.
I've learned that sometimes a best friend is all you have.
I've learned that sometimes you wonder how she knew, but then you realize that's just how close you are.
I've learned that when you are true best friends, everyone else knows it.
I've learned that, most importantly of all, best friends will always be best friends, no matter what is happening in their lives, where they are, or what they are doing. A best friend is irreplaceable. This is the most important thing I could have ever been taught by a best friend.

still hopin' ( the agony of a broken hearted)

2009-06-14T04:57:00.000-07:00

*All I want is for you to know me again, for me to be in your life. And, even if it can't happen right now, I would like to know that you hear my plea. I would like to know that I am not blocked from your memory*

*Heartbreak happens to the best of us, we can't hide from it and we can't deny it so just accept it, no matter how hard it is and no matter how much it hurts*

I remember you,.but i don't remember the feelings anymore..,

2009-06-14T04:55:00.000-07:00

Somehow, the conversation mentioned your name. And someone asked if I knew you. Looking away I had a thought of all the times we had together, sharing laughter, tears, jokes and tons more...and then, without explanation you were gone. I looked to where they were waiting for an answer and then said softly, 'once I thought I did..,

till we meet again my beloved friends,..'

2009-06-13T19:53:00.000-07:00

It is indeed difficult to start a new life after graduation. You have to say goodbye to your school, your teachers and most especially to your friends who has been with you every single moment of your happineess,sadness,failures and success. To my beloved friends, let me share you some of my favorite lines about friendship, our friendship, that will forever be embedded in my heart...

"A memory lasts forever, never does it die. True friends stay together & never said goodbye."

You & I will meet again
When we're least expecting it
one day in some far off place
I will recognize your face
I won't say goodbye my friend
For you & I will meet again

"Don’t be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before we can meet again & meeting again, after moments or a lifetime, is certain for those who are friends."

"Our memories of yesterday will last a lifetime. We'll take the best, forget the rest and someday we'll find these are the best of times."

You never know how great your friends are until you have to say goodbye and leave them.

"Yesterday brought the beginning, tomorrow brings the end, and somewhere in the middle we became the best of friends."

"The happiest moments my heart knows are those in which it is pouring forth its affections to a few esteemed characters."

"No lapse of time or distance of place can lessen the friendship of those who are truly persuaded of each other's worth."

"How lucky I am to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to..

"As I reach a time of complete uncertainty, friends are my most precious asset."

"We laughed until we had to cry.
We gave love,
right down to our last goodbye.
We were the best
we thought we'd ever be
Just you and me,
for just a moment... "

"A part of you has grown in me, and so you see, it's you and me together forever. Never apart, maybe in distance, but never in heart."

"My father always used to say that when you die, if you've got five real friends, you've had a great life."

"In loneliness, in sickness, in confusion-the mere knowledge of friendship makes it possible to endure, even if the friend is powerless to help. It is enough that they exist. Friendship is not diminished by distance or time, by imprisonment or war, by suffering or silence. It is in these things that it roots most deeply. It is from these things that it flowers."

"Friends are forever, you might lose them but you'll never forget them "

"As we grow older, things must change, but they don't always have to end. Even though it is different now, you will always be my friend"

"Even if we don't all end up together...it will be alright...because we have years of memories to look back on"

"I hate to say goodbye but it only makes the next hello closer."

"You know that place between asleep and awake? Where you still remember dreaming? That's where I will always think of you."

"I know we'll be friends for life, sharing our dreams together. As we walk down the road we'll never think twice, our memories will last forever. And although we're off to different worlds, somehow we're together. And even though we're far apart, our memories are deep within our hearts. These are the times to remember, our memories will last...forever more..."

"The happiest moments my heart knows are those in which I spent my life with you, sharing our lives and building our friendship."

"Real Friendship is the sharing of all that the heart holds inside, it's tears and laughter, it's joy and broken dreams. Because friendship dwells in the heart where time and distance knows no boundaries, it understands the depth of true feelings and the sound of words unspoken. It is a true gift, for it connects the heart of soulmates together forever"

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

A lifetime friendship

2009-06-12T21:07:00.001-07:00

*As I look back on all that's happened -- growing up, growing together, changing you, changing me -- there were times when we dreamed together, when we laughed and cried together. As I look back on those days, I realize how much I'll truly miss you and how much I truly love you. The past may be gone forever...and what the future holds, our today’s make the memories of tomorrow. So, my lifetime friend, it is with all my heart that I send you my love, hoping that you'll always carry my smile with you, for all we have meant to each other and for what the future may hold.*

forever inlove

2009-06-12T21:05:00.000-07:00

*You never realize how much you love someone until they're gone. You never realize that, yes, once their love surrounded you but now, what do you have? Memories. Why does love hurt so much, when it's supposed to be a good thing? Why do we dwell on the past, when the future is what matters? It's something that, yeah, I guess can't be helped but, maybe it's harder for you then it is for someone else. Faint smells of cologne, a song on the radio, a movie, or a single word, these are things that bring back those memories. But you can't hide from these things, because, they're there and no matter how hard you try to, they'll always be there. Even when you have moved on to the future, and things don't trigger the memories as much as before, they still do. You can't forget someone you've loved, you may want to, but you can't. Love cannot be forgotten, no matter how hard we try, and how much we think it will ease the pain, it will always be there, forever.*

getting crazy over you-

2009-06-12T21:03:00.000-07:00

*The loneliest it gets is when the wind begins to chill and when I stand on top of your old street, the church top brings a stillness to me and I can't think of anything I'd rather do then have my heart broken by you. Could we be saved by intentions and hopes? Cuz I'm not alright, the night seems to swallow me whole and spit me out. Second guessing, I remember ever since that first day I saw you on the street, I've always wanted you in the worst way. And now I can't compete, and I'm so, and you're so, we're both so f***ed up. Isn't it time we try to get it right? I can't sleep on no more floors and I can't stay up no more nights. I'd like to know what's going on, could you please pick up the phone? I started a million letters to you but I couldn't finish any of them...*

with every goodbye "you learn"

2009-06-12T21:01:00.000-07:00

*After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. You learn that loving doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security, and you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. After a while you learn to build all your dreams on today because tomorrows ground is to uncertain for dreams, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn to accept your defeats with your head held with the grace of a woman and not the grief of a child. After a while you learn to plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really are strong, that you really do have self worth, and you can endure, and you learn and learn, with every "goodbye" you learn*

for all the graduates of batch 2009

2009-06-12T21:00:00.000-07:00

We picked up our caps and gowns and all that senior stuff that's supposed to help us remember the good 'ole days, but some of the things that you remember most can't be put on paper. That day finally came, and you sat there with all of the friends that you have made over the years, you looked at your family and deep down you knew that this was a once in a lifetime moment. It was the last time in your life that these people would be together in one place. Yeah there would be reunions, but there was always that chance that one person couldn't make it there. You looked back on your time with these people and realized that it was short lived and that it didn't seem as if there was for everything you wanted to accomplish, sports, activities, duties, and all that good stuff. They called your name, your tassle got turned, and you got a piece of paper that said you were smart. Then you said good-bye, maybe to your town, and that school and your friends. You know that you can go back to visit, but there will be strangers in the halls and it's not the same. It's different, and you're different. But it's not the end. In fact, everything is just the beginning*

Let me love you

2009-06-12T20:34:00.001-07:00

Once upon a time, there was once a guy who was very much in love with this girl. This romantic guy folded 1,000 pieces of papercranes as a gift to his girl. Although, at that time he was just a small executive in his company, his future doesn't seemed too bright, they were very happy together. Until one day, his girl told him she was going to Paris and will never come back. She also told him that she cannot visualise any future for the both of them, so let's go their own ways there and then... heartbroken, the guy agreed.

When he regained his confidence, he worked hard day and night, slogging his body and mind just to make something out of himself. Finally with all these hardwork and with the help of friends, this guy had set up his own company...

"You never fail until you stop trying." he always told himself. "I must make it in life!"One rainy day, while this guy was driving, he saw an elderly couple sharing an umbrella in the rain walking to some destination. Even with the umbrella, they were still drenched. It didn't take him long to realise those were his ex-girlfriend's parents. With a heart in getting back at them, he drove slowly beside the couple, wanting them to spot him in his luxury sedan. He wanted them to know that he wasn't the same anymore, he had his own company, car, condo, etc. He had made it in life!

Before the guy can realize, the couple was walking towards a cemetary,and he got out of his car and followed them...and he saw his ex-girlfriend, a photograph of her smiling sweetly as ever at him from her tombstone... and he saw his precious papercranes in a bottle placed beside her tomb. Her parents saw him. He walked over and asked them why this had happened. They explained, she did not leave for France at all. She was stricken ill with cancer. In her heart, she had believed that he will make it someday, but she did not want her illness to be his obstacle ... therefore she had chosen to leave him.

She had wanted her parents to put his papercranes beside her, because, if the day comes when fate brings him to her again he can take some of those back with him. The guy just wept ...the worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them but knowing you can't have them and will never see them again.
The End."

Life together

2009-06-12T20:25:00.000-07:00

One fine day, an old couple around the age of 70, walks into a lawyer's office. Apparently, they are there to file a divorce.

Lawyer was very puzzled, after having a chat with them, he got their story....This couple had been quarreling all their 40 over yrs of marriage nothing ever seems to go right.
They hang on because of their children, afraid that it might affect their up-bringing. Now, all their children have already grown up, have their own family, there's nothing else the old couple have to worry about, all they wanted is to lead their own life free from all these years of unhappiness from their marriage, so both agree on a divorce....

Lawyer was having a hard time trying to get the papers done, because he felt that after 40 yrs of marriage at the age of 70, he couldnt understand why the old couple would still want a divorce..
While they were signing the papers, the wife told the husband.."I really love u, but i really cant carry on anymore, I'm sorry..""Its o.k, i understand.." said the husband. Lookin at this, the lawyer suggested a dinner together, just 3 of them,wife thought, why not, since they are still gonna be friends..

At the dining table, there was a silence of awkardness.The first dish was roasted chicken, immediately, the old man took the drumstick for the old lady.."take this, its your favourite.."
Looking at this, the lawyer thought maybe theres still a chance, but the wife was frowning when she answer.."This is always the problem, you always think so highly of yourself, never thought about how I feel, dont you know that i hate drumsticks?"

Little did she know that, over the years, the husband have been trying all ways to please her, little did she know that drumsticks was the husband's favourite. Little did he know that she never thought he understand her at all, little did he know that she hates drummsticks even though all he wants is the best for her.

That night, both of them couldnt sleep, toss and turn, toss and turn...after hours, the old man couldnt take it anymore, he knows that he still loves her, and he cant carry on life without her, he wants her back, he wants to tell her, he is sorry, he wanted to tell her "i love you"...

He picks up the phone, starting dialing her number....ringing never stops..he never stop dialing....

On the other side, she was sad, she couldn’t understand how come after all these years, he still doesnt understand her at all, she loves him a lot, but she just cant take it anymore....phone's ringing, she refuses to answer knowing that its him..."whats the point of talking now that its over...i have ask for it and now i wanna keep it this way, if not i will lose face.."she thought...still ringing...she have decided to pull out the cord...

Little did she remember, he have heart problems...

The next day, she received news that he had passed away...she rushed down to his apartment, saw his body, lying on the couch still holding on to the phone...he had a heart attack when he was still trying to get through her phone line....

As sad as she could be...she will have to clear his belongings...when she was looking thru the drawers, she saw this insurance policy, dated from the day they got married, with the beneficiary being her... And together in those file, there was this note...

"To my dearest wife, by the time you're reading this, I'm sure I'm no longer around, I bought this policy for you, though the amount is only $100k, I hope it will be able to help me continue my promise that i have made when we got married, I might not be around anymore, I want this amount of money to continue taking care of you, just like the way I will if I could have live longer. I want you to know Iwill always be around, by your side... I love you"
Tears flowed like river......

"When you love someone, let them know... You never know what will happen the next minute.... Learn to build a life together.. Learn to love each other. For who they are.. not what they are..."